break ups, friendships, love, relationships, self awareness

It’s not them- it’s you

Let me preface this post by saying that I love and value my friends. They are a core group of people who are honest, trustworthy, and genuine. “Friend” refers to an individual that you trust and love. They’re family that you get to pick. If you don’t feel comfortable saying that about any of your friends, you may want to reevaluate.

~~

You’ve changed. You’re begrudgingly getting ready for a night out with your old friend and you’d rather do something else. Like anything. You haven’t spoken to ____ lately and every time they do call or text, wanting to hang out, you groan. Of course, you’re not a bad friend. If they ever needed anything, you’d be there. It’s just that you would prefer to do things that require more than a handful of brain cells. The wine + movies + talk about their bad choices is getting old. You don’t even bother to offer your two cents, anymore. What’s the point? Their bad decision-making is a part of them. You’re just actually noticing it, after all these years.

Lately your idea of a great Friday night is doing anything that doesn’t involve their kind of fun.  Now, you’d rather read a book or talk about history and art and science. When you do drag yourself to an outing that you didn’t want to go to in the first place, you regret it almost immediately. The jokes and topics that you once happily took part in now annoy the heck out of you.  If this sounds like you, you’re not alone.

It’s okay to end relationships if you know that they no longer fulfill you spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

People subscribe to the “best friends forever” mantra as if it were etched into the tablets as the 11th commandment. I don’t think it’s realistic or fair to either party. What I do know is that change is normal and paths diverge. Sometimes you outgrow people or they outgrow you. This leads to wanting, enjoying, and accepting different things in life. And when people differ on those fronts, what kind of relationship do they have? One of convenience or genuine understanding?

What I’ve learned in my twenty-something years on this planet is that wholesome and healthy friendships require people who respect and value each other’s thoughts, feelings, and choices. Notice I didn’t say agree. Friendships don’t mean condoning everything a friend does. In fact, that can be detrimental. But once you lose respect, you are doing a disservice to the other person/s by stringing them along, knowing that they have no place in your life at the moment.

So instead of forcing yourself to be someone’s friend/significant other, try something new. Accept the fact that you’ve changed and adjust accordingly by being honest about it. “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Peace & Love,

Adri

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