love, relationships

When Loved Correctly


“When a woman is loved correctly, she becomes ten times the woman she was before” – unknown

I’ve seen this quote float across social media for the past few years.  Usually retweeted on Twitter or posted on Instagram with the comment “SO TRUE” to verify its validity, this quote is probably one of the more popular ones. By now, you know that I love love. I love everything about it because it is the driving energy within and around all of us. Our existence is love personified and our survival is love actualized. That being said, this quote doesn’t really do it for me.

Here’s why: It perpetuates the notion that love is something that must come from someone else. Saying when (not if) a woman encounters a partner that loves her correctly (whatever that means), she becomes ten times the woman (because womanhood apparently has levels) she was before (prior to being in a romantic relationship). In other words, if you’re a woman and you never find love, you are doomed to remain a basic, Level 1 woman. Bummer.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being deliberately obtuse. I get that when some of us are blessed to love and be loved unconditionally by a romantic partner, and in the way that we need to be loved, we feel invincible. Many of us develop into fuller versions of ourselves because we feel inspired to do so. Love can do that. Self-love. Entering into and remaining in a healthy and loving relationship is indicative of the woman’s wisdom, fortitude, and good judgement. She loved herself enough to choose a partner who would add, not detract, from her life. Those are the makings of a woman who is already improving. Her partner held her hand and perhaps provided steady ground during the more difficult times, as she did with him. It is a true partnership (hence the image I chose for this post).

You may know by now that as romantic as I am, I don’t subscribe to the “love at first sight/ it’s us against the world/ love will conquer it all” ideology. Love is energy. Committed love is work. Healthy love is an ongoing project. It is a choice you have to make every day. So when you carelessly say “I’m a better woman because you loved me,” you’re discounting yourself! You’ve sold your feelings to the highest bidder and have entrusted him to develop and grow on your behalf. You were so honored to be wanted by someone that suddenly you have a new lease on life. You think, “well maybe I am worth something. And he suggested it so maybe I should go back to school.” Never mind that your friends and family had been encouraging you to do the same thing for years. Girl…remember who you are.

You are the bomb. You woke up today, got yourself together, and did something that only you can do.

When you love yourself correctly, you find a partner ten times better than the one looking to make you better.

Peace & Love,


2 thoughts on “When Loved Correctly”

  1. This piece reminds me of current social media events. What are your thoughts on the brouhaha with Ciara’s #levelup post on Instagram? I have a feeling my thoughts differ from yours. Critics view it as yet again another expectation for women to bend over backwards for noncommittal men. While I’m not a huge fan of the messenger, I read it as a “know your worth unapologetically” message. My gripe with it is that knowing your worth does not mean a ring and a white picket fence. It may mean solitude…but that’s better than settling. Most women will know their worth, never make the missteps she made, walk like a “wife” and never meet or marry a Russell.

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