dating, sex

Netflix and Chill is Stupid (and so is Cuffing Season)

netflix

According to a carefully researched and peer-reviewed Instagram repost (original source unknown), we are currently in the preseason stage of cuffing season. This is the stage where, I presume, one has nearly finalized their list of carefully selected partners who they will spend time with or “cuff” during the cold months and holiday season.

cuffing

It’s utterly f*cking stupid.

Cuffing season belongs in the same fire pit of Netflix and chill. It’s just another phrase that young or immature people use to get away from actually committing to someone in a sincere and meaningful way. Their similarities are uncanny, so I’ve decided to dedicate a post to how they are similarly dumb.

  1. Netflix and chill, like cuffing season, was likely coined by a person(s) who didn’t have any coins or maturity to actually date someone seriously. With Groupon offering dinner date vouchers for two with a bottle of wine for $40, you’d have to be hard-pressed to use Netflix and chill as the default. Sorry not sorry.
  2. Netflix and chill is really built around cuffing season. It’s colder, so naturally, most people want to stay indoors. And since you’re planning your life decisions around Al Roker’s weather forecast, a movie on the ‘flix only makes sense. Sidebar: Autumn is great for haunted house visits, apple picking, jogs through the park, and hiking. C’mon son.
  3. Sex. The whole point of Netflix and chill is to get sex for the low low. And “cuffing season” really means “f-cking season”. Ho, ho, ho.
  4. Social media. Nearly everyone, including myself, jokes about these concepts because it’s funny. With Black twitter taking the world by storm, it’s only natural that we’d all rally around a few phrases (why you always lyyyyyyin) in camaraderie. But some dweebs are actually taking this seriously. And that scares me.
  5. They both hedge on dishonesty. Folks use “Netflix and chill” as opposed to “I’d like you to come over to engage in the naked dance”. Guide your decisions based on “cuffing season” instead of admitting to yourself that you’re afraid to be alone during the holidays and cold weather. Pro-tip: Tinder, snuggies, and books still exist. Use them.

Here are some useful things to do instead of Netflix and Chill. It literally took me 1 minute to find them. 

Date night 

Pumpkin picking 

Haunted ghost tour 

Peace & Love,

Adri

career, workplace

Bold and Black: A Young Woman at Work

In a building that houses nearly 100 people, I am only older than one person- the woman that I supervise. For the most part, I haven’t minded because I’m a firm believer in letting my work do the talking. But as I have taken on more responsibilities, I’ve been confronted, now more than ever, with the inconvenient truth: people aren’t inclined to respect women, particularly young women, in the workplace.

Youth

I’m a millennial. A child of the late 80s and 90s. Slap bracelets and Nickelodeon were all the rage. My industry, however, is dominated by Baby Boomers-people born between 1946 and 1964. There are some Generation Xers but for the most part, it feels like I work with people my parents’ age. I usually don’t even notice but once in while, I bristle at the careless dismissal of my thoughts during meetings or proposed initiatives. “Well, you’re young. You’ll figure it out,” they say. In those instances, I usually stiffly smile while thinking “wait a @#%%#@# minute!” But I never voice my irritation because I know I’m not alone. The Society for Human Resource Management conducted a poll on inter-generational conflict in the workplace and found that older generations perceive younger ones to be lazy and dress inappropriately while younger workers found their older colleagues to be resistant to change and micro managers. So while I casually walk around the office with a mixed media pencil skirt and studded flats, someone from another department, dressed in the same polyester blend mail- order suit they’ve been wearing for 15 years eyes me disapprovingly. I once overheard someone mutter “well doesn’t she think she’s cute.”

I mean I do, but that’s not the point.

Gender

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal summarized a report released by Lean In and McKinsey & Company. The headline? “What’s holding women back in the workplace?” The full report dives into the specific findings but to put it plainly, the study suggests that women face significant barriers to advancement and a steeper path to senior leadership. But this isn’t a diatribe against the patriarchal system (because let’s face it, patriarchy sucks). I’m particularly concerned with how I and other women like me can effectively navigate in the workplace as young, bold, black women. I advise the young women I mentor to be assertive, confident, and self-assured. I firmly believe that no one is going to willfully grant you respect when they’re not even inclined to grant you a 5 minute meeting. You have to demand it. But there are often times when I know that it’s far easier said than done.

I work in an environment that is often charged with political rumblings and policy changes, and in here, relationships are everything. If the saying goes “it’s not what you know but who you know” then in my world “it’s not who you know but what they can do for you”. And being a loud-mouthed and sassy Black girl won’t get you many friends. So you have to play it cool while also proving that you’re no one’s doormat. Be ambitious but don’t make a lot of noise about it. Aspire for the top position but don’t be “ghetto” about it. It’s exhausting feeling like you have to dance around racist and sexist stereotypes just to be taken seriously when statistically for Black women, the top spot is nearly unattainable.

Race

In a report released earlier this year  by the Center for Talent Innovation, it was found that “while black, female professionals are more likely to seek top leadership roles, they are treated as virtually invisible”. You can read the full report here I am not at the stage, yet, where I am ready for an executive position. I know that I need the experience and personal and professional development that I know can only be achieved with time. Yet I’ve had to bite my tongue as conservative and arguably prejudiced colleagues discuss current events among themselves. “If you don’t want to be shot/arrested/choked, don’t commit a crime,” they’ll say. Is this what they’d say of me if I were to be arrested and suspiciously die in police custody? I consider things like this when I’m interrupted for the millionth time during a meeting. I’m young, so I brush it off because but I can only imagine my frustration and anger at being qualified for a senior position and being passed over or ignored completely.

So what now?

Being the new kid on the block where the average tenure is 10 years can be daunting. Who do you talk to? How can you be trustworthy? How do you live and work boldly? For the time being, I suppose that all I can do is work hard, work smart, and make the right connections. I may be in my mid-twenties but I know how to run a productive half-hour meeting, facilitate strategic planning, and analyze systems and processes in a way that would tighten up most organizations. I’m confident in my abilities. And for now, that will have to be enough.

Speak boldly,
Adri

Uncategorized

Drop Me a Line

Hi! I’m Adri.

I’m government contractor, blogger, philanthropist, and consultant with passion for personal and professional development.

I have been an unofficial career advisor for friends, family, and associates for several years. I’ve reviewed countless resumes and cover letters, facilitated dozens of mock interviews, and coached folks on job search techniques. It only made sense that the next logical step in my love for helping people attain employment was to start a scholarship for women in higher education. The Adri Speaks 4 Books scholarship began awarding scholarships in 2014.

But aside from my professional work, part time hobbies, and philanthropic efforts, I am someone who believes in empowering people to live fully and unashamedly in their truth and I believe that truth begins and ends with love.

For inquiries, requests for speaking engagements, and coaching, send me an email at adrispeakss@gmail.com.

For career coaching, resumesbyadri@gmail.com

Peace & Love