dating, love, relationships, Uncategorized

Back to the bench: Getting rid of the Starting Five

I’ll keep this entry brief. I know y’all are probably too busy eating holiday leftovers, guzzling eggnog, and steppin in the name of love at holiday parties. But I figured it was only right that I gift you with the last entry before the new year. It’s been a good year for Adri Speaks and I’m so grateful to everyone who has read, commented, and supported me. All I wanted to do was share my truth as I know it and y’all actually found it entertaining, informative, or a little bit of both. That’s so dope. Thank you!

If you haven’t read the Starting Five entry, it may be a good idea to start there, since this is an unofficial “Part 2” to that entry and I’ll be making frequent references. Check it out here.

During this time of year, many folks who are casually dating or have identified their Starting Five hit a crossroads. They’re tired of dealing with the same fools who’ve been around throughout the year and begin to think along the lines of “new year, new me”. Trite as it is, the phrase presents a once-in-a-year opportunity to hit the reset button on your dating life or thin the herd and settle down with your MVP. Let’s tackle the latter.

The Wildboy (J.R. Smith) is not meant to be wifed. But if you’ve made the mistake of falling for him, he’s the first one that has to go. This man will hurt your feelings because you thought you could “tame” him. Nah. Have your fun, turn up, and then bench his behind. It can be thrilling to have a fun guy around who’s always down for some ratchetivity but it’s not worth the impending heartache. Trust me.

How to cancel: Send a text. Be blunt. You know he’s an “oh word?” type of guy so don’t sugarcoat it. Just don’t say it’s because you have a new boo. Wildboys are ok with being boyfriend #2.

jr-smith

Mr. Confident, (Lebron James) will take this hard. He’s not used to rejection and is likely to act like a spoiled brat when you let him go. This is going to take some time because he’s a fighter. The key is to stand your ground.

How to cancel: Don’t answer his calls. Don’t fall for his “wanna go eat?” text. It’s a trap! Men with big egos often go above and beyond to win you back- it’s all a ploy to prove something to themselves. Make sure he doesn’t have private information about you because his tantrum may lead to things you told him in confidence suddenly being revealed.

NBA: Cleveland Cavaliers at Washington Wizards

King Corn (Chris Bosh) can either take this incredibly well (while secretly sobbing into his pillows at night) or react terribly. I’m talking about Meek Mill with an active Twitter account kind of terrible. If he has leverage on you like scandalous photos/videos, I’d suggest retaining a lawyer because those may get “leaked”.

How to cancel: Be nice. Tell him in person. Maybe even tell him that you met someone else. If he’s reasonable, he’ll respect it.
chris-bosh-sad

The Veteran (Tim Duncan) is going to be crushed. He may not even take you seriously because he’s been around for so long. The women I know have the MOST difficulty getting rid of this guy because they’ve grown accustomed to him being in the picture. Like I said, he’s the guy many women will settle down with because hes the safe choice. But keeping him around is not fair to him and it’s selfish on your part. No, you can’t be “friends”. No, you can’t “hang out sometimes.”

How to cancel: Cut the cord. Tell him you’ve met someone else and then block his number. The real key, though, is to mean it. Don’t hit him up when you and boo get into a fight. Don’t wish him a happy new year. Leave him alone.

San Antonio Spurs v Miami Heat - Game 7

The Humble MVP (Steph Curry) has been giving you butterflies since Day 1. He may have even been hinting (ie: strongly suggesting) recently that you two make it exclusive. As long as you communicated that you weren’t ready but made a commitment to both him and yourself to not waste his time, you’re good. Don’t lie to your MVP on some “I’m only dating you”. Don’t lie ever but in particular, don’t lie to him. My guy friends rarely like to talk about their ladies when the relationship is new but if they find out she lied about something? Forget it. Even I can’t salvage that mess. It’s better that he knows you have other situations going on but that you’re taking him seriously. If he feels insecure because you’re dating other guys, then I’d suggest that you toss him on the bench because a true MVP is confident and secure.

Like I said in the original post, boo thang is a keeper. You know it. He knows it. But you need time to get to know him and make sure he is who he says he is. Once you decide to cut off the others, make it a clean cut and mean it. Don’t be out here saving guys in your back pocket for a rainy day. New year, new you.

 

Chef Curry is worth it.

 
giphycurry

Peace & Love,
Adri

dating, sex

“Come over and chill” is lame

It’s Friday night. You got home from work an hour ago and you’re drinking your favorite glass of pinot noir after a hot shower. You’re catching up on the latest episode of Being Mary Jane when your phone vibrates. It’s Rob, the guy you went out with twice over the last month and a half. Well this is a pleasant surprise.

R: Hey cutie

You: Hey there. Wassup?

R: Just got in, watching highlights from that Lakers game

You: Yea your boys trash now. My Knicks spanked y’all.

R: Yea whatever. What are you doing? I wanna see you, it’s been a while.

You glance at the clock on the stove. It’s 6:40. You don’t care for last minute plans but Rob seems cool, intelligent, and ambitious. You’re up for a quick bite to eat so you decide to go out with him.

You: Well I got in not too long ago. I could eat 🙂

R: Cool. I figured I can order some Thai, open up this Henny White and Cabernet, and you can come over and chill.

Joseline-Rolls-Eyes

Fellas, please stop inviting strangers over/ asking to come over if you have any intention of taking someone seriously. When you invite a quality woman that you barely know over to your house as a “date,” you’re communicating to her a few things (in no particular order).

  1. You don’t care about your safety. This woman is a virtual stranger that you shared a few laughs and maybe two meals with. Let’s not act like she can’t set you up to get robbed, be a stalker, or something worse. Ladies is pimps, too.
  2. You don’t value her safety. 1 in 6 women have experienced sexual assualt . You can swear to high heaven that you’re not a rapist and you’re likely right, but she doesn’t know that. And while the only person responsible for rape is the rapist, women often take certain precautions to do what little they can to avoid assault. Once she is alone with you, she’s essentially putting herself at a risk. By the way, getting a woman drunk/high so that she’ll have sex with you is rape.
  3. This is a purely physical situation. The moment you invite someone over, you’re implicitly communicating that sex is on the menu and you’re more than willing to partake in some.
  4. You’re cheap/lazy/unimaginative. Inviting someone over is almost always cheaper than going out. You don’t want to spend the money on a date so you’d rather have the fast food version on your turf. If you cared to show someone a good time but are on a budget, you’d likely think of things that are cheap or free. But you won’t. 
  5. You’re not worth her time. If she is looking to date seriously, then you’ve just canceled yourself by putting yourself in the category with the other losers she’s dropped. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

Ladies, if you seriously like someone, love going out, and want a relationship, don’t fall into the “come over and chill” trap. Let’s be crystal clear- once you set the tone for the situation (because it’s not a relationship), that’s it. Before you know it, you’ll be two months into “dating” Rob the chill guy but y’all haven’t done much going out besides stopping by Rite Aid to buy Plan B and picking up General Tso’s chicken from Cheung Hing #1 China Garden, which is around the corner.

You’re not unreasonable, mean, or anything negative for wanting to actually go out and enjoy someone’s company on neutral grounds. If you’ve really gotten to know someone and you’re both comfortable with one another, then by all means, enjoy their time at either their or your own place. But that’s determined by time, mutual respect, and comfort. A man worth your time should know that. 

So after he asks you to come over and chill, politely decline. Then delete his number, if you’re feeling extra ruthless. You have a date Saturday night, anyways.

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