According to a carefully researched and peer-reviewed Instagram repost (original source unknown), we are currently in the preseason stage of cuffing season. This is the stage where, I presume, one has nearly finalized their list of carefully selected partners who they will spend time with or “cuff” during the cold months and holiday season.
It’s utterly f*cking stupid.
Cuffing season belongs in the same fire pit of Netflix and chill. It’s just another phrase that young or immature people use to get away from actually committing to someone in a sincere and meaningful way. Their similarities are uncanny, so I’ve decided to dedicate a post to how they are similarly dumb.
- Netflix and chill, like cuffing season, was likely coined by a person(s) who didn’t have any coins or maturity to actually date someone seriously. With Groupon offering dinner date vouchers for two with a bottle of wine for $40, you’d have to be hard-pressed to use Netflix and chill as the default. Sorry not sorry.
- Netflix and chill is really built around cuffing season. It’s colder, so naturally, most people want to stay indoors. And since you’re planning your life decisions around Al Roker’s weather forecast, a movie on the ‘flix only makes sense. Sidebar: Autumn is great for haunted house visits, apple picking, jogs through the park, and hiking. C’mon son.
- Sex. The whole point of Netflix and chill is to get sex for the low low. And “cuffing season” really means “f-cking season”. Ho, ho, ho.
- Social media. Nearly everyone, including myself, jokes about these concepts because it’s funny. With Black twitter taking the world by storm, it’s only natural that we’d all rally around a few phrases (why you always lyyyyyyin) in camaraderie. But some dweebs are actually taking this seriously. And that scares me.
- They both hedge on dishonesty. Folks use “Netflix and chill” as opposed to “I’d like you to come over to engage in the naked dance”. Guide your decisions based on “cuffing season” instead of admitting to yourself that you’re afraid to be alone during the holidays and cold weather. Pro-tip: Tinder, snuggies, and books still exist. Use them.
Here are some useful things to do instead of Netflix and Chill. It literally took me 1 minute to find them.
Peace & Love,