love, marriage, relationships, social media

Kill the Bat Signal

For quite a few us who have lived in the social mediaverse, posts about relationships seem commonplace. Some range from the cryptic yet impending sense of a breakup: “Sometimes you gotta know when enough is ENOUGH” (the caps make it official) to the more obvious: “I wish I never even bothered with him. What a waste of time.” The feelings and emotions behind these posts are real, no doubt, but nothing grinds my gears more than the bat signal. You’ve seen it and if you’re like me, you’ve either scrolled past quickly if it was sent out by someone you hardly knew or you may have rolled your eyes because you *do* know the person.

Bat signal: A virtual post seeking companionship, disguised as frustration with the dating pool.

It looks something like this “I’m gonna start being a jerk because clearly that’s what women want. Women don’t know what to do with a good man.” Or this: “What’s the point of cooking, cleaning, giving my all when no guy appreciates it. All they want are HOES!”

I’m gonna stop here for a moment to address readers who’ve sent out the bat signal. You just found out what I’m talking about and everything in you is ready to close this page. I can’t stop you if you do. But I’d encourage you to read more. I’ve put out the bat signal, so I’m not judging you. I just want you to do better, because after reading this, you’ll know better. Cool? Cool.

So why do folks put out the bat signal? Because they’re lonely, upset, and unable to be real with themselves. They may have been friendzoned for the 10th time or dumped for the 12th time. Their advances may have been denied. The point is, the bat signal is only put out after some sort of rejection. Much like Gotham’s police department, your bat signal is projected as a sign of distress. But that’s where the similarities end. In your world, you’ve had it up to here with the guys/girls you’ve dated or dealt with and instead of reflecting within, you project your frustration outwards, secretly hoping that someone worthy of you will show up.

Throwing virtual tantrums won’t make things better.

Unfortunately for you, your amazing qualities that you’ve undoubtedly enumerated for anyone willing to listen are a dime a dozen. You cook? So does Walter, the local handyman. You have your own car? So does the high school student who works at Target. You have your own place? Lack of ownership never stopped a broke college student living in a dorm. You have a good job? So do your married and committed colleagues. So what’s your problem?

The truth is: it’s not them, it’s you. And that’s okay! You are a human being with strengths, flaws and everything in between. Sometimes we just make bad choices or haven’t taken the time to really think about who we are and what part we play in this dating game. No one is born with a strong sense of self awareness. Everyone starts from somewhere. You just have to make some changes. What those changes are remains between you and yourself. But it starts with putting the blame game to rest and trying something different. Because in your world, Batman isn’t coming. So kill the signal and start thinking about what you can do to make yourself better as a single person.

Peace & Love,

Adri

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