When was the last time someone called you crazy? And I’m talking to the women here.
Think about it.
I’m willing to bet you didn’t have to think that long. I’m also willing to bet it was by a man. Perhaps a man you are/were dating. Either way, I decided a while ago that I’m not going to be offended by the oft-misused epithet.
Why? Men default to “crazy” when a woman expresses herself in ways that they deem extreme. They use it to gaslight and dismiss women. They use it to ignore the message and demean the messenger. To be clear (because I know how y’all like to misconstrue things), I am not justifying behavior that is violent or manipulative. A woman who calls you 50x back to back in a non emergency situation MAY have some issues. But men call women crazy so often that it hardly even means anything.
Take this scenario: Jamar shows up late for the fifth time to your date. This time, he doesn’t even bother apologizing. You’re left standing outside of the movie theater feeling disrespected as he walks up 15 minutes past the starting time. You want to say something but the last time you brought up his tardiness, you got emotional and your voice cracked, betraying your hurt at the situation. You were never the type to get loud and yell, but in moments of frustration, you tend to cry. In that moment, however, he rolled his eyes and said “yo I don’t like that crazy shit. What’s there to cry about? I said sorry, damn!” So this time, you say nothing. You don’t want to be crazy like all of his past exes. (By the way, men who swear that all of their exes are crazy, are usually the problem).
Crazy is just another tool used by men to avoid taking ownership over their own issues. And since it’s so popular and rarely questioned, women often take personal responsibility for being the most sane, most levelheaded person- even at their own expense.
I’m tired of it. I am a human being who won’t bust out your windows, call you 100 times, or scream at you. But I have a right to express how I feel in the way that is truest to me. Sometimes that means I’ll write, or cry, or shut down to collect my thoughts. And I will no longer apologize for any of that. It’s what makes me unique and beautiful and worthy of someone who can respect all of that, so we can move forward with a newfound understanding of one another.
So if I have to risk being called crazy or assume a role that makes my partner feel comfortable, I choose the former. I’d rather be crazy.
Peace & Love,