dating, love

Stop Being Nice to Men

Now that I’ve gotten your attention, let me explain.

Stop being nice to men. And by nice, I mean being an overly accommodating, low maintenance, overthinking doormat. While you’re busy being a hot girl in the tweets, your paragraph texts tell a different story. Over the last few years, I’ve regularly written about reclaiming your time, securing the bags and boos you want, and doing so without missing a beat. But some of you need a reminder. Like Meredith Grey, you’re out here begging men for acknowledgment. If you’ve been praying for a sign; this is it.

In this crazy world of dating and situationships among the late twenty to mid-thirties crowd, it seems as if the pickings are slimmer and slimmer. This is especially true if you live in a metropolitan city. It’s as if more men just translates to more BS to wade through. It’s frustrating, at times depressing, and even demoralizing. If dating was a competitive sport, many of us would be limping along the way, with a few broken bones as we headed to a finish line we’re not even sure exists. And in those lowest moments, we may be tempted to ease up a bit on our standards. Maybe you are a bit unreasonable in asking for the man you date to be employed, pay for dates, be attentive, a good listener, and kind.

So why do I say that you should stop being nice to men? Because being nice, using the definition I’ve provided, has never resulted in a loving and mutually beneficial relationship. Take a look at the below ways for you to stop being a shrinking violet and be more like a venus flytrap.

  1. New boy cancels your date last minute with a half-assed excuse and says something like “we can link up later tonight, I could stop by”.
    The former you would say “It’s cool! Come by whenever.” Then you’d sigh and take off your cute outfit. Venus Flytrap says: “Sorry, I don’t entertain strangers in my home, we can reschedule.”
  2. You mention to the guy you’ve been dating for 2 months that you love getting flowers. He scoffs and says “Why would I spend money on some plants are gonna be dead in like a week?”
    The former you says “I mean I guess…” and you don’t even bother to mention that the Venus et Fleur flowers can last up to a year. Venus Flytrap says: Why? I would like to think that the person I’m dating would like to see me happy, otherwise he’d be pretty selfish. If wilting concerns you, there’s a brand that specializes in long lasting flowers.
  3. New boy proposes that you meet up at Starbucks for a first date. The former you (disappointed) “Uh, sure.” Venus Flytrap you (knowing that coffee dates are unimaginative, cheap offers): “That doesn’t suit my preferences, I’d prefer brunch/happy hour/museum”.
  4. Your boyfriend of 6 months has not taken you out in 2 months, saying that he’s a homebody and trying to save money. Former you “well what if I pay? I just wanna get out the house.” Venus Flytrap says: I thought I was clear about what kind of relationship I wanted. It’s important to me to share new and exciting experiences with my partner. If that’s not what you want, then we may need to spend less time together.

I could go on and on but I’m hoping you’re getting the point. Be clear and direct about what you want because what you let slide today becomes what you’ll allow tomorrow. Kill it with fire.

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