dating, love, relationships

Reclaim Your Time: Death to the Situationship

Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. Together, the two decide that they’re attracted to one another. They go on dates, communicate via texts and calls on a daily basis, and share some of their most deepest secrets. After some time, one or the other decides that they don’t want the either to date or sleep with anyone else, so they decide to become “exclusive”. Although they are only dating each another, they are not in a committed relationship. Boy and girl are increasingly at odds with one another. Jealousy arises. Miscommunication is a norm.


Situationship (n): A waste of everyone’s bloodclat time.

In a recent article by Cosmopolitan, a situationship was defined as “the catch-all term for those relationships sitting at the intersection of “hooking up” and “in a relationship.” A label for those who don’t have a label.  A situationship is essentially the squib of the wizarding world. For non-Harry Potter nerds, a squib is person born of a magical parent or parents who doesn’t have the ability to perform magic. They’re perfectly fine people, but they just don’t serve much purpose as far as magic goes. The same goes for situationships. They’re about as useful as a pair of flip flops in a snow storm; they serve a purpose, just not one that is best for you.

I’ve had a situationship or two, and in those instances, they ended with  disappointment and anger. Here’s my take on why situationships should be discarded:

  1. Women are almost always getting the short end of the stick in the deal. If I had a dollar for every woman in a situationship who actually wanted to be in a relationship, I’d be writing this from a balcony in Seychelles. Women have been conditioned to accept the terms that men define for them and the relationship, or lack thereof. Because she does not want to be alone, or “catch another body” she settles for whatever she can get.
  2. They are rooted in dishonesty. Let’s face it, if you wanted to be with them, you would. The world may not be in black and white but when it comes to matters of the heart, it’s usually much easier than we make it out to be.
  3. Words matter, and the very nature of  a “situationship” is based on a situation, not an agreement. A car breaking down is a situation. Your two best friends fighting is a situation. Who you choose to spend your time with should be anything but.
  4. It’s a functional form of dysfunction. Situationships or their cousins “exclusive dating”, are ideal for those who have issues with commitment. For those who’ve been reading this blog for a while, y’all know how I feel about grey areas. You are either committed or you aren’t. Nuance is great except when feelings are involved. Show me a situationship, and I’ll show you two people bound by their mutual dysfunction.

Imagine how simpler relationships would be if two adults decided “hey, we like each other, but we don’t want to be in a committed relationship. Let’s continue to date other people.”

I’m sure some people will be offended by this. But uh…



Peace & Love,