break ups, career, dating, friendships

For the Twenty-somethings who will turn Thirty- something

I wish I could tell you that things get remarkably easier and that when you turn thirty, things will suddenly appear less difficult and less confusing. I wish I could offer you infallible advice that will carry you through all of life’s peaks and valleys. I wish I could offer you rock-solid assurance that the man of your dreams is right around the corner if you just believe.

But I can’t.

Unlike many others, I can’t offer you platitudes that lack depth and truth. I’m too old and I’ve seen too much. What I can offer you are 5 truths that will help you along the way.

  1. You will lose friends. Do so with grace. Sometimes people grow apart. Sometimes they grow differently. Friendships have seasons and there is no rule that says they must last forever. As you change, so do your friends and it can be a sobering but relatively painless departure if you let go in time.
  2. Men will disappoint you. Break up with them quickly. I was once engaged to someone who was chronically unemployed. I once got in a relationship purely out of boredom and convenience. I spent a lot of time being less happy than I could’ve been and ignored my declining mental health as I poured into a man. Three distinct relationships. Three distinct instances in which I should have left far sooner than I did. Objectively, I can say that they all taught me a lesson but I’m not sure the lesson was worth the months of stress, frustration, and disappointment.
  3. Your Saturn return will bring you to your knees. It’s the getting back up that counts, no matter how long you were down. You may scoff at this astrological occurrence all you want, but the truth is that the years between 27-30 can be incredibly significant and tumultuous. The positive is that you may enter into the part of your life where your career choice starts to align with your passion. But your entire world may be shifted in the process and you won’t know which way is up. But you deserve to know that it’s coming.
  4. Your metabolism will change and with that, your body. Adjust accordingly.
    The post-30 metabolism is a harsh reminder that youth is fleeting and crash diets that resulted in 30lb weight loss are a thing of the past. Focus on your hormonal health, explore eastern and holistic medicine. Adopt an exercise routine you love. Secure a primary care physician and get check ups regularly. Get a dentist. Get into a skincare regimen.
  5. You can only be yourself. Get to know know you and give yourself grace to misstep.
    Mental health is so often overlooked and it’s no wonder: it’s treated like a luxury by many insurance companies. If you can, there’s no better time to unpack childhood trauma, develop healthy coping and communication skills, and learn about yourself through counseling. You deserve it.

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