love

We all want the same thing

Floyd (Kelis)

Seems like no one is surprising

Anymore, it’s not that I’m

Ungrateful, I’m just a little bored

Sure I’m self sufficient blah blah

Independent. Truthfully I’ve got

Some space. I want that

Man to fill it

Seems like no one wants to actually admit that they want something. If you’ve read my last entry, you’d see that I have my own struggles with embracing vulnerability, the lesser-known V-card. I suppose since writing that entry two months ago, I’ve gotten better. Well…I’ve acknowledged that I have something to work on, and that’s an important step. This has been most apparent in my career, as I am more likely now than ever to ask for help, or admit when I don’t know something. It’s still incredibly difficult.  But this post isn’t about work. It’s about vulnerability in an area that has no place for such things-dating.

Dating experts, columnists, and the like hedge on the premise that dating is a game. Even if it isn’t explicitly stated, all the folks who’ve made a living advising [mostly] women know that their words of wisdom are all alluding to a game that they know how to win. And I, for one, hate the game. I wrote a blog many moons ago called “If love is a game, then king me!” At the time, I was young, hurt, and looking for answers- so I developed my own. I played a game that I invented with guys I dealt with and did quite well. For a while. Then, I got entangled in a situation that threw all of my “rules” out of the window. But that’s another story for another day.

It appears as if dating in this day and age hedges on the principle that no one should act as if they want what they want. If you like him- don’t text him. If you like her- don’t call her. It flies in the face of values that most of us cherish outside of dating: transparency, loyalty, communication, and honesty, just to name a few. In other arenas, men are often lauded for telling misogynistic and vulgar jokes while women show more and think less- in an effort to attract the men who are just as lost. It’s the blind leading the blind. Or in this case- the blind stumbling alongside the blind while both vie for “likes” on Instagram. Based on my own observations, which I know holds little to no weight in statistical analysis, I’d say that this is particularly acute within the 23-28 year old age range. Many that fall within that range are on social media and without anyone specifically telling them to, they begin speaking the same and maybe even thinking the same. Clear example: think about how you learned about terms like “on fleek” or “thot”. If you’re a social media maven or are surrounded by those that are- then you’re part of the machine, too.

I tried not to make this post sound like a rant because that’s not what this is. Hopefully it doesn’t come off as one. I just wonder when or how we became so resistant to openly desiring love? Let’s face it- that’s what we all want. In some capacity, we want the joy of loving and being loved. And following some tired script from social media, the latest “hoes ain’t loyal” song, or your friend probably won’t get you what you want.

I, for one, am refusing to act like I don’t want love in my life.

I’m still a G, though.

Peace & Love,

Adri

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